Safe Words That Bind

It’s amazing how we intensely we can hate certain words. Some of them, like goiter and panties, deserve that hatred because they brought it on themselves through the disgusting sounds they make. However, for some their meaning was given to them–like religion or bad grooming habits. It’s not their fault. What about those innocent words we hate intensely that stand cold, lonely, and frightened by our hatred. What did ‘moist’ ever do to you? Poor, old ‘slacks’ just asked nicely to be ironed from time to time. What about the scary ones that we fear to type, let alone utter. We shove them into the middle of next week with pithy little promises like See You Next Tuesday. Wink.

The words we love tend to be even sneakier. They slither in on the lips of pop culture icons, skillful politicians, best tweeted TED talkers, and currently favored (in the ecosystem, natch) business icons. While we think we’re thinking outside the box, we spew them like the next big thing that will take us to the next level with three aha moments of epic disruption. At the end of the day, all we’re doing is trying to think of how to incorporate Yottabytes without accidentally installing a Heisenbug and ending up in the techno-Tardis of Dark Data. WTF, right?

Real estate pros have been accused of using certain words we love as a secret code. Ooo, my membership card to the Illuminati must have gotten lost in the mail. And now, since we all now know that the market recovery will be riding in on the white horse of real estate in much the same way that it rode into economic hell on the real estate Mares of Diomedes, these codes must be cracked. (And here I thought we were just being lazy).

So let’s do this.

Practice saying these words in the mirror: Moist, dandruff, mucus, clot, cunt, slacks, vomit, cock, globule, labia, goiter, panties, pustule, moist (it does bear repeating), ointment, smegma. Note: Feel free to use a handheld mirror if that makes the exercise more engaging.

Mind-blowing research has indicated that self-righteous indignation spurs people to action 88% more effectively than inspiration This tops 98% when cringing is involved. Courtesy of Sortafact. 

Now that you’re sufficiently irritated and aroused, try this. Replace boring real estate related phrases with spicier language. Here are some examples of replacement words or phrases that you can play with to get your superior juices flowing.

Old                                                          New or Different

Fabulous                                                 Screams “you want me”
Gleaming                                                See your reflection
Clean                                                              Lick-able
Double-headed shower                          Recreational shower
Large master bath                              Coma-inducing, spa-like bathroom
Charming                                                 Little Red Riding Hood optional
Gourmet                                        Gives Kitchen Confidential new meaning
Elegant                                                       Dignified indispensability
Dramatic                                                    Drama-queen inspiring
Grand                                              Centerfold of the neighborhood mosaic
Self-closing drawers                                  Anger-management drawers
Dialed                 (Just stop saying this now, please, before we throw up a little bit more in our mouths)

These examples are pretty dramatic, but even a slight word switcheroo can miraculously change how an event is perceived and remembered. It can change how you are perceived and remembered. Universal safe words can bind you in the dungeon of mundane.

If your real estate pro is addicted to the words we love, in robust real estate markets this may not prevent your property from selling…but it still might cost you. In times of real estate hell, standing out will require your pro to go to rehab to cure themselves of the addiction to the words we love. 

As the advertising genius David Ogilvy said, “You can’t bore people into buying your products.” Believe him. I like to also believe his sage advice, “The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.”

Question words. They matter. They affect how effectively we sell, how we’re perceived and how our communication is remembered. A deeper truth is that the words we choose change how history is perceived, remembered, taught, and ultimately passed down. Deep and throaty.