We’ve Come A Long Way, Baby. Really?

Warning: This is about women in the workforce and it might be inciting.

Mind-blowing research has indicated that self-righteous indignation spurs people to action 88% more effectively than inspiration. This tops 98% when cringing is involved.

Back in the day when Madison Avenue had a cleaning product to hawk the mad men would  suggest just grabbing two c’s in a k. Keeping the furniture dusted, positioning his slippers just so, scrubbing the children for supper, and opening cans of cheerful green beans while inhaling Pine Sol scented air and menthol cigarettes was the hokey pokey of wifehood. Advertisers loved that it was all so simple then. Subdued, proper and ladylike–those cunts in a kitchen were soaking in it. Note: Don’t give up on this because of that hated word. That’s what two c’s in a k stood for. Really.

Then came the Virginia Slim era. That was 1968, seven years after the first cordless tool (coincidence?) and one year before we landed on the moon. Okay, it was a man on the moon but whatever.

In the time that we went from birthing cell phones the size of Magic Johnson’s shoebox, to happy pills, to warmin’ the globe with more than just our Easy Bake Ovens, women rocked the highest levels of corporate America by mutinying our way to 4.2 percent of Fortune 500 CEO positions. The cool math allows us to remember that same exact percentage for women CEOs of Fortune 1000 companies. Big, important company board positions are vastly held by hominids of the penile persuasion. Vastly.

Virginia Slims may still be trying to get us to believe that the progress vaginas have made is more than slim…but it’s not. Deep in the recesses of our denying minds we know that’s true. I know that we certainly have some Leaning In
to do and I couldn’t agree more with Sheryl Sandberg’s message, but there’s something more. This something relates more to thrusting than leaning, and it’s the inappropriate aggravator and titillator in the room:

 Sex. Deny it loud and deny it proud but unless you’re a virgin it can’t be denied in your private cockles.

Men at work know there is no room for that inappropriateness in an office environment…so they’re kind enough to mostly whisper among themselves.

Does it offend us if we overhear? Do we feel left out? Objectified? Sexually harassed? Who tells us how to feel? At minor levels of sex-talk might we just decide to join in?  Not ignore but actually join in? By the way, this is opposite of suggesting enhancing cleavage or even flirting. If we overhear a guy at work whisper that our boobs look great, can’t we yell back thanking him and letting him know that his pants make him look like he’s hung like a Budweiser Clydesdale…or a field mouse? That’s how they’re talking behind closed doors, after work, at lunch, on the airplane, while sealing the deal. We know that strategic accepting and deflecting techniques work. Why not here? Can we make serious progress without taking ourselves too seriously? We’re good at this. Why so serious?

Let’s be clear about this blaming the victim bullshit. Never should this be condoned. But can’t we sometime choose to not be offended by words? Can we sometimes choose to not be a victim? 

If one actually reads the book, Lean In (and not just the excerpt, tweets, and opinions), it’s hard to even imagine how the message could possibly be controversial, but it is. Certainly anger over outing an accept and deflect approach to sex-talk in the workplace is understandable but that’s a bit of the point. It’s not like we would call it Thrust In for god’s sake because, although I do like the sound of that, it’s really not what I’m suggesting. We all need to commit to our ambitions (whatever they are), sit at the table (board room or changing), look out for number one (and not step on or in number 2), and then we need to acknowledge that humor is the connective tissue of relationships…business and other. 

Groupthink is powerful. Refuting with examples of true harassment and victimization easily negates the point. There is no doubt that this idea could be wildly and successfully refuted…but what if for a second it isn’t.

If we really want to come a long way, we might have to get over letting a little sex talk offend. What if we tried this accept and deflect technique sprinkled with a dash of humor?